The New Dodgertown


Living up to the standards of Dodgertown is not an easy task, but as one of the last teams with a stadium unblemished by a dot com nickname they at least have shown the ability to stick to their traditional guns. On the field the Dodgers remained true to their recent history by blowing a 2 run lead in the ninth. Off the field, there were a few points to consider before passing judgment. To make it simple I decided to drop top three reasons the stadium rocks and top three reasons why it makes me want to strangle those with more money than me.

Top 3 Reasons for Rocking:

3. No sinkholes, alligators, or old people: Old people always take the longest at the concession stand. I have my own mental ratio that I use when deciding which understaffed, overpriced hot dog line I will get into. 1 Senior=3 Adults. Three people of my own age can easily make it through line before grandpa gets a reasonable explanation about why it costs an extra .50 cents for mustard. I think sinkholes and alligators are pretty self-explanatory reasons. I mean who the hell wants to watch baseball with that kind of danger lurking?

2. No humidity: Since moving to Arizona I have heard the phrase “dry heat” enough to send me into fits of rage. However, when it comes to baseball, the dry heat is much more tolerable. Sitting in the sun in with a temperature in the high seventies proved to be a great way to enjoy a spring game.

1. Build It and They Will Come: The Dodgers share their new facility with the Chicago White Sox. Using my power of pop culture deduction, that means that the ghost of Ray Liota and 8 other B list actors will one day save my daughter from choking on a hot dog. That kind of security is priceless. Not to mention this will all occur with the help of Darth Vader and the dude with gills from Waterworld. If this is too confusing, I apologize. Please go to the video store and rent something besides Rock of Love Season 1. You might learn something.

Top 3 Reasons to Never Go:

3. No Cup Holders: It is 2009 and still the engineers for building the newest spring training facility in the United States decided cup holders were a little too pricey? My Chevy Cobalt has 4. My Chevy Cobalt also has windows that you have to crank like I’m in an episode of Andy Griffith. If I hadn’t gone for the upgrade I would have probably been stuck with manual windshield wipers. Yet no matter what crap package I decided on, cup holders were standard. My beer spent the entire game either in my hand or on the hard cement floor. That is no way for a nine dollar beer to spend the remainder of its life. For that price I expect a man named Dave to stand there and hold it until I am finished.

2. No Dodger Dogs: Yes, it was a Dodger game. No, they decided against having the key culinary component of any fans trip to Dodger Stadium. As I approached the stand I noticed that regular hot dogs were not even on the menu and the only one listed was a “Chicago Dog”. What the hell would I want with a Chicago Dog? After waiting in line for about 20 min,(Unfortunately, I misjudge the age of the gentleman in front of me, thus throwing off my system) I decided for a plain hot dog, threw on some mustard and felt like I could have made this at home.

1. No Manny: 1.5 million is all that stands between the Dodgers and contending. Manny is ready and I am ready, so since Frank McCourt is an avid reader of Sexy-Gypsy, here is my plea: Sign Manny and stop being such a tight-wad. He will more than make up that cash in wig sales. The Yankees are spending like its 1999 and you seem to be acting like a depression era grandparent. Put down the can of beans, stop making grilled cheese with an iron, and give the Dodgers what they need.

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