Saving the World Baseball Classic


I’m in love with the WBC and I don’t care who knows it.  There is nothing better than countries fighting for supremacy on a baseball field.  However, the WBC is in need of a few small changes in order to assure it global success.  If I can just get the ear of someone in charge, I know it would make a huge difference.  There should be no doubt about the necessity of these changes.

The losing teams must adopt the winner’s form of government:

The nationalistic driven camaraderie would only benefit from a high stakes WBC.  Force Cuba to adopt democracy if they lose and watch the intensity of the game rise.  Team USA would not only be playing for trophies, but global domination.  That is something the US is used too and bringing it to the baseball field is the next logical step.  Great baseball unites countries and their citizens.  With the current state of the U.S. economy would losing to Cuba and adopting Communism really be that bad?

Bring back the sacrificing of team captains:

Ancient Mayan civilizations used the promise of death to encourage stellar sporting match ups.  The losing team’s captain was executed on the spot.  Why not bring this idea back?  I’m sure Fox would gladly pick up that program.  Imagine the final end for Felipe Alou, a firing squad in center field.  After the way the Dominican Republic played, I think that is a fair solution.  While most major networks might reject this kind of gratuitous violence, there is always Fox.  Any network that doesn’t have a problem airing such classy shows as “Who’s Your Daddy” and “The Swan”, would be a perfect fit for live executions.

Force all losing teams into Indentured Servitude:

America needs a cheaper work force to overcome this current crisis.  What better way to achieve that than capturing all losing teams.  Many of the teams have players who only play baseball part time.  It is highly likely that they have a variety of skills that would complement the American workforce nicely.  Canadians would finally have a purpose for their lives and Cubans would no longer have to weather days on a flimsy raft to gain amnesty.  While this concept may seem barbaric at first, it would benefit many unfortunate individuals.  It would also add a great deal of passion to each match up.  Nothing says the United States like “Playing for Freedom”.

All of these ideas are designed to add excitement and watch-ability to the WBC.  Some might argue against these suggestions, but they would be wrong.  Yes, seeing an aging manager executed on live T.V. might prove to be a bit much for younger generations.  However, it is important to consider that most of the managers are reaching the twilight of their lives anyway.  Most of them would jump at the chance to die a warrior’s death.

When Tommy Lasorda guaranteed a U.S. victory earlier this month, he had nothing at stake.  With such tough rules, athletes might think twice before opening their mouths and promising things they can’t deliver.  The WBC needs more drama.  Implementing these tactics would propel the games to the top of the television ratings, without a doubt.

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2 responses to “Saving the World Baseball Classic

  • B I G

    I fully endorse this idea. Also, we should be able to make trades. Wisconsin, North Dakota, Idaho and Wyoming for Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic. Who doesn’t make that trade?

  • tysonq

    A while ago I received a comment regarding this post. It was nicely worded, but well off of my intentions. Please do not take this article seriously. If you do, then you need to relax a bit. Below I have included the comment, since I found it one of the more hilarious responses to any article I have ever written.

    bshapiro515 (3/17/2009 at 11:05 PM)

    “You suggest in your article that someone could choose between communism and democracy. That is impossible and a ugly portrayal of your intelligence and viability as an author– not to mention a poor representation of the political knowledge of our citizenry. Communism is an economic system, as is capitalism or mercantilism. Democracy is a system of governance, as is a monarchy, or oligarchy or authoritarianism. If you are going to be a reporter… albeit a sports reporter… please do not confuse an already confused and ignorant american public.”

    It is very interesting how he found my misrepresentation of interchangeable forms of government highly offense, but did not mention the sacrificing of team captains.

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