Stupid Is As Stupid Does: The Athlete and the Sportscaster

The American sports figure has not exactly been known for intelligent comments and insightful information. It has been a long time since the witty humor of Yogi Berra. Instead, we are left with the mindless banter of Bill Walton and the repetitive nonsense of a new generation of sportscasting. Vin Scully can barely make it past the 5th inning and other classic announcers like Harry Caray and Harry Kalas have already found their way into the grave. Gone are the sweet sounds of well-spoken individuals truly bringing life to the games and accurately describing the sports world around them.

Could it be that American sports will never again have that same level of awe and mystique? Maybe the only reason those announcers held such a special place in our memories was because their words collided with significant portions of our lives. Regardless of the past, it is now time to focus on the present. Instead of dwelling on what can’t be changed, lets take a look at the pure stupidity that covers the sports landscape. Compiled below are some of the most illogical, absurd, and irrational comments recently uttered in the realm of professional sports.

“I’ve had to overcome a lot of diversity.”
–Drew Gooden

“Therapy can be a good thing, it can be very therapeutic.” –Alex Rodriguez

“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” – Joe Theismann

I don’t think some of the NBA players quite understand the concept of a three hundred and sixty degree turn. These next two quotes really bring that theory home.

“We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” -Jason Kidd

“My career was sputtering until I did a 360 and got headed in the right direction.”
-Tracy Mcgrady

Mike Tyson’s ridiculous comments could warrant an entire story. Without taking up too much of the article, here are a few quotes that seem to prove that this guy is the most insane soul in the United States.

“He called me a rapist and a recluse. I’m not a recluse.” -Mike Tyson

“I am many things. I am an animal. I am a convicted rapist, a hell-raiser, a loving father, a semi-good husband. You don’t really know me.” –Mike Tyson

“I am the most ruthless, brutal champion ever. There is no one who can match me. I want your heart. I want to eat your children.” –Mike Tyson

To complete this review of the demise of athletic class and intelligence, here are a few quotes from a man that I considered the least intelligent person to be recorded on television. Bill Walton has poisoned the ears of America with his mindless comments for far too many years now. Hopefully one day the networks will wake up and stop torturing the masses. Until that time comes, enjoy a heavy dose of an idiot’s gobbledygook.

“Show some respect to this living legend, this hall of famer…Arvydas Sabonis!”

“The only thing he is worth is another teams mistake. This guy has ruined every situation he has been in. This is a classic underachiever.” –Bill Walton on Rasheed Wallace the year the Pistons won the NBA championship.

“You look at Vladimir Radmanovic, this guy is cut from stone. As if Michelangelo was reading and a lightening bolt flashed before him.”

“When I think of Boris Diaw, I think of Beethoven in the age of the romantics.”

“If Eric Piatkowski continues playing at this level, he’s going to replace Jerry West on the NBA logo.”

“The offensive presence of Greg Ostertag is quite overwhelming!”

“In order for the Kings to win, they must find a way to outscore the Lakers.”

Marv Albert: Eric Snow dribbles down and launches a three. He misses.
Bill Walton: What is Eric Snow doing launching three pointers? Can someone tell me the last time Eric Snow made a three pointer?
Albert: Actually, last time down the court Bill…
Walton: Oh…can someone tell me why Eric Snow isn’t getting more three-point opportunities?

My father was given Vin Scully, Howard Cosell, and Ernie Harwell. I have been stuck with Bill Walton, Reggie Miller, and Phil Simms. The unfair nature of this fact has forced a new type of view of games into this era. No longer can you hear an old voice and remember what it was like to listen to the games as a kid. Now you simply hear an announcer speaking and think what slightly humorous comment is coming next. Then it is followed by a commercial and you immediately forget the less than memorable words that filled your brain the second before. Hopefully, before I get old and die, the sports world will once again be filled with sportscasters who can actually bring a sense of dignity to the games being played.

“The future ain’t what it used to be.” Yogi Berra


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