Category Archives: Culture

Cobalt Recall

Yes, they freaking finally recalled that piece of crap car.  I can’t help but think it was because of this blog.  (Not really).  Now comes the process of submitting my claim for reimbursement and waiting for them to hopefully (that is a big hopefully) return my money.  I’ve posted a link to the original post below, in case you missed it.

Don’t Buy a Chevy Cobalt

I just wanted to throw some quick information up on my site regarding the purchase of Cobalts.  Sadly, I made the mistake of buying a Chevy Cobalt about a year ago.  It has been nothing but problems since and Chevy has refused to provide any assistance for their piece of junk car.  The power steering went out at 41,000 miles, the fuel pump went bad at 50,000, and the key usually jams when I try to start it.  I sent all of this information to Chevy with the hopes that they would realize how jacked up it was to force me to pay (roughly 2,000 dollars) to fix all of these problems.  Their not so prompt response was this direct quote: “While it may seem like the good faith thing to do, we will not be providing you with assistance.”   So, while Chevy is inherently evil and probably has no concern whatsoever about this site, I figured if I can at least save one person the trouble of owning a Chevy, then I have at least done something positive.

Help 52

“Help 52 was created to support families affected by severe illness by providing them with financial aid for life’s everyday expenses during their times of adversity. We are here to provide financial assistance to families nominated by those who know their struggle; families who in the face of a major crisis, are still expected to deal with life’s unchanging everyday demands and expenses.

That is why we are here. Our passion is to help those families. While we may not be able to heal their loved one’s physical condition, we want to at least help them stay fed, warm, and sheltered. We want to give families the chance to come together during these times, without having to worry about mounting bills. While there are great organizations to help support research for a cure, awareness, and screening, these families can’t wait for a cure. They need someone today.

Each of Help 52’s founders has experienced what it’s like to be in this type of situation. We can empathize, because we’ve been there. Help us make a difference. Help 52.”

(As Published on the Help 52 Website)

I just wanted to drop a quick heads up about a great organization.  You can check out the link on the right hand side or simply click below.

Stupid Is As Stupid Does: The Athlete and the Sportscaster

The American sports figure has not exactly been known for intelligent comments and insightful information. It has been a long time since the witty humor of Yogi Berra. Instead, we are left with the mindless banter of Bill Walton and the repetitive nonsense of a new generation of sportscasting. Vin Scully can barely make it past the 5th inning and other classic announcers like Harry Caray and Harry Kalas have already found their way into the grave. Gone are the sweet sounds of well-spoken individuals truly bringing life to the games and accurately describing the sports world around them.

Could it be that American sports will never again have that same level of awe and mystique? Maybe the only reason those announcers held such a special place in our memories was because their words collided with significant portions of our lives. Regardless of the past, it is now time to focus on the present. Instead of dwelling on what can’t be changed, lets take a look at the pure stupidity that covers the sports landscape. Compiled below are some of the most illogical, absurd, and irrational comments recently uttered in the realm of professional sports.

“I’ve had to overcome a lot of diversity.”
–Drew Gooden

“Therapy can be a good thing, it can be very therapeutic.” –Alex Rodriguez

“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” – Joe Theismann

I don’t think some of the NBA players quite understand the concept of a three hundred and sixty degree turn. These next two quotes really bring that theory home.

“We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” -Jason Kidd

“My career was sputtering until I did a 360 and got headed in the right direction.”
-Tracy Mcgrady

Mike Tyson’s ridiculous comments could warrant an entire story. Without taking up too much of the article, here are a few quotes that seem to prove that this guy is the most insane soul in the United States.

“He called me a rapist and a recluse. I’m not a recluse.” -Mike Tyson

“I am many things. I am an animal. I am a convicted rapist, a hell-raiser, a loving father, a semi-good husband. You don’t really know me.” –Mike Tyson

“I am the most ruthless, brutal champion ever. There is no one who can match me. I want your heart. I want to eat your children.” –Mike Tyson

To complete this review of the demise of athletic class and intelligence, here are a few quotes from a man that I considered the least intelligent person to be recorded on television. Bill Walton has poisoned the ears of America with his mindless comments for far too many years now. Hopefully one day the networks will wake up and stop torturing the masses. Until that time comes, enjoy a heavy dose of an idiot’s gobbledygook.

“Show some respect to this living legend, this hall of famer…Arvydas Sabonis!”

“The only thing he is worth is another teams mistake. This guy has ruined every situation he has been in. This is a classic underachiever.” –Bill Walton on Rasheed Wallace the year the Pistons won the NBA championship.

“You look at Vladimir Radmanovic, this guy is cut from stone. As if Michelangelo was reading and a lightening bolt flashed before him.”

“When I think of Boris Diaw, I think of Beethoven in the age of the romantics.”

“If Eric Piatkowski continues playing at this level, he’s going to replace Jerry West on the NBA logo.”

“The offensive presence of Greg Ostertag is quite overwhelming!”

“In order for the Kings to win, they must find a way to outscore the Lakers.”

Marv Albert: Eric Snow dribbles down and launches a three. He misses.
Bill Walton: What is Eric Snow doing launching three pointers? Can someone tell me the last time Eric Snow made a three pointer?
Albert: Actually, last time down the court Bill…
Walton: Oh…can someone tell me why Eric Snow isn’t getting more three-point opportunities?

My father was given Vin Scully, Howard Cosell, and Ernie Harwell. I have been stuck with Bill Walton, Reggie Miller, and Phil Simms. The unfair nature of this fact has forced a new type of view of games into this era. No longer can you hear an old voice and remember what it was like to listen to the games as a kid. Now you simply hear an announcer speaking and think what slightly humorous comment is coming next. Then it is followed by a commercial and you immediately forget the less than memorable words that filled your brain the second before. Hopefully, before I get old and die, the sports world will once again be filled with sportscasters who can actually bring a sense of dignity to the games being played.

“The future ain’t what it used to be.” Yogi Berra

Pop Culture Enlightenment

As the sports world has lacked any major news events recently, I’ve decided to branch out just for one article. These are troubling times in America and here is some advice that may just turn your life completely around.  Plus, in the spirit of April Fools Day, why not embrace my new life as a Pop Culture writer.

The correlation between a deep understanding of pop culture and living a higher quality of life is obvious. I have developed three key concepts that will propel your dark and meaningless life into a new realm of enlightenment. Some of these concepts may seem absurd and contrite. I assure you, they certainly are not. Read them, contemplate, and watch your ability to grasp the meaning of life come straight into view.

Jack Bauer and Athos are the same person:

When Kiefer Sutherland accepted the role of Jack Bauer on the popular show 24, he had no idea the eerie parallels that would take place between his new character and Athos of Three Musketeer fame. Dark, brooding, a deep pain in his past is just a few of the similarities. The willingness to serve his country no matter the cost also makes sense. In fact, without Athos, Jack Bauer as we know it would not exist. What is the point of this you ask? Simple: Hollywood never changes. There is no progression. You can find these parallels with nearly every actor. We strive on that kind of consistency. In a world of unpredictability, mankind needs the Jack Bauer to be nothing more than Athos with a handgun instead of a sword.

Curly from City Slickers actually knew the meaning of life:

Billy Crystal finds that just “one thing” is the meaning of life, and “the rest don’t mean shit.” Cheesy, cliché, and predictable all come to mind when describing this scene. I also think I’m an idiot for thinking that. Curly knew exactly what he was talking about. Even the filming of an actual live cow birth could not distract me from that fact. Most feelings of inadequacies in life come from a lack of priorities. Curly was advocating the exact remedy to that problem. Find what is the most important to you and screw everything else. His words were so enlightening he won a Best Supporting Actor at the Oscars. Listen to Curly, find some priorities and watch you life become worth living.

Rhianna must have signed a Lifetime movie deal:

Whitney Houston thinks Rhianna is making a mistake. There is always a reason behind the madness. Is it love? Money? Or an utter disregard for common sense? Regardless, the masses can learn from the mistakes of a beaten singer. The story will go as follows, it is up to you to learn what you can. Chris Brown swears never to hit her again, goes to counseling, and she takes him back. One night he’s drunk again and looking for a way to suppress his own feelings of incompetence. Couple smacks and a bite later, Chris Brown decides to push it too far. A quick commercial break and Lifetime returns to its feature presentation. Rhianna finally gets enough courage to leave him thanks to a strapping young man played by T-Pain. The morale? There isn’t one. T-Pain has an auto tuner and doesn’t beat the hell out of you. That is progress. Unfortunately, that is the Lifetime version. Rhianna, like the rest of us, thrives on a pattern. Don’t be like a needy pop diva. Break free of the daily pattern and grow outside of your comfort zone.